Social Media: Do We Love It or Hate It? (Or a Little Bit of Both)
If you live your life and don’t post about it, did it even happen?
As silly as the question sounds, I feel like it’s one we ask ourselves these days, consciously or not. I learned a new song; is it valuable without other people’s acknowledgement? I visited an amazing place; should I share it so everyone else can know? These are the wonderings that can infuse our interactions with social media. Or at least, they do for me (but then again, I am known for giving most things in life deeper meaning than they might need to have).
When we see other people’s lives squeezed into these simple little squares, it’s really tempting to feel like we have to do the same. That in order to be seen, we need to be present and posting in this online world so that they can see that we live fun, full lives too.
Before I go further, let me just say I don’t have a vendetta against social media. I don’t think it’s evil or bad or inherently hurtful. I think it can be, but I also believe that Instagram is a space of inspiration and connection. Facebook lets us creep on family and friends we haven’t talked to in years but we still feel like we know what’s going on with them thanks to their frequent posts. Or if you’re like my husband, social media lets you nerd out with new friends all over the world who share the same hobby as you. Social media is a tool that can be fun, connective, and incredibly creative.
What I’m writing about today, though, is the other side. The side that makes posting feel like an obligation or a competition. I saw so-and-so do something that looked fun and amazing, so I should post this picture so they know I also do exciting things. Or, their relationship looks perfect, so let me just post this picture with my partner so it looks like we never fight either. The unfortunate reality about platforms that are image-driven is that they are image-driven. They are easily superficial and thrive off of quick takes and happy moments. An image-driven world is one where posturing and presenting correctly goes a long way in getting likes, but not very far in actually being truly, authentically seen.
And so, I have a love-hate relationship with social media. It’s a relationship that tends to go through a similar cycle somewhat regularly. It begins with enthusiastic participation. I intentionally comment on stories and photos, choosing to engage with content instead of just scrolling, closing the app when my time limit is reached. Then, a while later, I stop minding my time limits and spend too many minutes looking at what appear to be perfect moments and people. This, of course, leads to a spiral of comparison and feeling less-than which, ultimately, ends where I am now. Taking a step back, logging off for a while, and choosing to be present instead of posting.
For whatever reason, it’s really hard for me, personally, to find a balance between these two sides of social media.
But perhaps this online world requires the kind of balance a university teacher once described during a class. She explained that balance can be like sitting on an exercise ball. It’s not a state to be achieved but rather an action to take. Staying balanced requires movement and micro adjustments keep you where you want to be.
Maybe using social media well means adjusting as you go, paying attention to how it’s making you feel and react. Perhaps in some seasons you can be on Instagram, encouraging others, sharing about yourself, and feeling great. Maybe in others seeing someone else’s joy just brings bitterness because of your own loss. Both are okay. Both are legitimate. And both can coexist.
It’s not neat having mixed emotions or thoughts, but thankfully it is a sign of intelligence. Life is messy and full of contradictory ideas, but when we can hold two ideas simultaneously and let them co-exist without obliterating each other, we are the better for it.
As you navigate your own relationship with social media, I’d encourage you to ask yourself about any contradictory ideas you might be having. Why are you sharing? Why do you want to post this? Maybe it’s because you’re proud of something, or you love that photo of yourself. Amazing, go for it. Or maybe you’re finding your answer has more to do with the response you’re hoping for from your followers – likes, validation, recognition… If that’s the answer you’re finding, I’d encourage you to pause. Take some time to re-evaluate whether or not that post will actually give you what you want. More often than not, it won’t. No number of likes will make us feel beautiful. No amount of recognition will make our talents feel good enough. No, those truths are up to us to embody and believe.
A choice I have made in order to be more authentic and less driven by desiring affirmation is to show up honestly. I post truths about my relationship with Stu and pictures without make-up. I share unflattering angles because the truth is, we’re all humans with faces that look pretty silly sometime. This is my small way of saying, I’m real, let’s be real, even if it’s online.
But sometimes that’s not enough and I still find myself wanting to curate what others see of me, and that right there is my signal that it’s time for a break. Perhaps you find yourself in a similar place; feeling like you have to engage or otherwise be left behind.
Friend, if you’re looking for permission to live off-line, here it is; you are valuable and your life is meaningful, whether or not you share it in a post.
I recently dyed my hair and went to Europe and consciously made the decision not to post anything about either. I was noticing that the driving force behind my posts was beginning to be about getting affirmation and recognition rather than a desire to share. Honestly, I had so much fun taking photos in Paris just for me and my memories. And I also had a lot of moments I chose not to take pictures of because I just wanted to experience them. I sometimes wonder if we see the world through a screen more often than we do through our eyes.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t snap pictures or post or share. You do you! Post away if that’s what you want to do, honestly. I think another side of this whole conversation is that it’s also okay to share because you want your voice to be heard. I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t believe that because here I am, posting in order to share my words.
But if you find yourself tired of trying to keep up a façade or feeling obligated to be present online, take a step back, log off for a bit.
You might find that these small moments of presence hold a whole lot of joy.
