What if life is meant to be lived in the questions?

I don’t really have many answers. But I’ve got quite the collection of questions – long ones, silly ones, heavy ones, some that are new and lots that are old.

Lots of them sound something like this:

How do I live a life truly rooted in my values?

What are my values, and why or how are they changing?

What do I offer this world that is unique to me?

Am I the only one experiencing this?

In the past I’ve treated these questions as an existential to-do list of sorts. My plan was to figure out the answers, check them off the list, and unlock the easy, happy life. Because that’s how life works, right? We solve one problem at a time and create the perfect, peaceful existence. But unfortunately, that’s not usually how it goes. Instead of gaining wisdom and knowledge, each new year seems to give the gift of more unanswerable questions. More what ifs, why’s, and why nots. More confusion and a lot less clarity. And frankly, it can be incredibly frustrating.

It’s hard not having answers and feeling lost, especially in seasons of unlearning and relearning ways of thinking and being. North America as a whole seems to be in one of those seasons. We are opening our eyes to systematic racism, methods of misogyny, and discovering our implicit and passive participation. All of this can lead to questions of how to change and create change. Quieting the aftershocks we feel when the way we perceive the world has been shaken is a difficult, draining task.

To be honest, it hasn’t been the most enjoyable process for me. In fact, it can be pretty uncomfortable. If only there were some easy steps to follow so that we could know that we’re doing this whole human experience right, loving ourselves and our neighbours well. But instead, we wonder, how do I find belonging? How do I help my friend through this? When will it all start getting easier? Does my life truly have meaning and significance? We ask ourselves these impossible questions and instead of finding easy answers, we often are left right where we started – wondering.

If you find yourself in that space, there is one more question I would invite you to sit with:

What if it’s okay to live out of a place of unsure, unanswered, raw and honest questions?

What if life truly is more about the journey than the destination, like the cheesy adage goes? After all, the life we live is a great in between, not complete until we reach its end. Perhaps instead of seeking out finality in answers, we can give ourselves permission to live a contemplative life marked by consideration – of different beliefs; of changing priorities; of the dynamic human experience that refuses to be stagnant and continuously forces us to ask and re-ask questions.

If that’s where you are at today, I don’t have answers to give you. No easy, sure-thing steps. But these are a few practices I’d invite you into that I have found helpful along the way in my own journey.

Write it down.

Write down your questions and any thoughts you have that go along with them. No lies or buffering your honesty, but being as brutal as you need to be. Isn’t it funny how we can keep ourselves from sharing our honest ideas with a piece of paper? I’d invite you to be as truthful you can be. You might ask yourself “Do I truly belong here?”, and then write about insecurities that come up, strengths you believe you offer, or doubts or fears you think of. Something about writing down the thoughts that have us worried, unmoored, or insecure makes them a little bit less scary, like we are no longer holding it all inside and expending our energy hiding ourselves from the world.

Take your time.

If you are in a season of questions, don’t rush. Take your time asking and exploring and wondering. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable, but this season is one of transformation and that cannot be rushed. When we ask questions we allow ourselves to look at our way of living through a kind but critical lens. What’s working? What growth needs to happen? Hard questions require a good, hard look at their roots. Take your time and create space to explore your depths.

Do your research.

Some questions require us to look inward and excavate our internal thought life. Some, however, need us to look outward, learning from other people’s expertise and experiences. We live in an age where we have an abundance of information at our fingertips. When your questions ask you to become a learner, listen. It’s okay to need to lean on the wisdom of others. This is especially true since each of us only knows and has experienced the life we are in. My understanding of the world has been shaped by my gender, race, culture, sexuality, family of origin, etc. I’ve needed to widen my horizons through intentionally looking to experts and authors from different backgrounds so I can expand my understanding of the human experience. You may (likely) find that you need to do the same.

Invite others in.

Find people you can be honest with. Often, we begin the asking when we notice cracks in the worldview we currently live or have been raised in. Wrestling through our internalized beliefs can be isolating. Look for people in your life who are willing to journey with you. Not ‘fixing’ or trying to give you all the ‘right’ answers, but who are genuinely interested in walking through this season by your side. I’d also invite you to practice being this person for the others in your own life. Sometimes the bravest and best thing to do is to simply sit and listen, loving people through your presence rather than your words.

Go back, again.

Life is a journey, and often it’s a cyclical one. It can sometimes feel like we are right back where we started five years ago, asking the same questions, feeling the same doubts. And that’s ok. Each time you return to a season or a question you will be able to see it from a different vantage point that has been coloured by whatever life experiences you’ve had since then. That’s the beauty of transformation and contemplation: it’s never complete.

This is a life-long journey we are all on and you are allowed to be here, again.

As we open ourselves to honest exploration, may we become seekers rather than conquerors. May our questions expand our horizons rather than limit our actions. And may we have grace with ourselves and others as we explore what it means to embrace the questions.